


Dick Grayson's patented Big Brother Advice pt 4

by octoaliencowboy



Series: Dick Grayson's patented Big Brother Advice [5]
Category: Batman- all media types, DCU
Genre: Attempt at humour, Batfamily Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Coming Out, DaddyBats, Fluff, Gen, Lots of dialogue, Swearing, batbros, batfamily, smol gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octoaliencowboy/pseuds/octoaliencowboy
Summary: Epilogue! Damian wants to tell the batfam about his and Colin's relationship, and enlists his big brother's help. Dick comes up with a plan, and it turns out Damian didn't ever have anything to worry about.(The final installment of Dick Grayson's patented Big Brother Advice. You should read it, it's a rad time.)





	Dick Grayson's patented Big Brother Advice pt 4

**Author's Note:**

> Creds to Pri1998 for giving me the idea for this. Pri1998 if ur reading this ur a rad dude my guy

“Now, you're probably wondering why you're all gathered here today.” Dick says, addressing the group in front of him. He had somehow, by some miracle, managed to gather the whole family in one place, and now they stood before him in one of the manor’s many sitting rooms. Tim, Bruce, Alfred, Cass, Harper, Jason, Duke, Stephanie, Damian, and Colin were all scattered about the room. 

Damian is going to owe him big time for this. 

“I mean, not really? You said there was something important you needed to tell us and to come here, so, we’re here. Now just tell us so we can leave.” Jason says, crossing his arms. Dick sighs inwardly. Jason had been the most uncooperative throughout this whole endeavour, and would probably continue to be.

‘Do it for Damian and Colin, Dick. This is for Damian and Colin.’ Dick thinks. When did he ever agree to this?

Oh, yeah. 

~~~~~~~~~

_“Grayson, we need your help.” Damian said when he and Colin visited his apartment a week earlier. The two boys sat on his couch with him across from them in a parody of the incident last month. Except this time, Damian and Colin were sitting together, casually holding hands, and Dick didn't feel like tearing his hair out in frustration. Instead, he just wanted to coo over how sweet his brother and his boyfriend were. He held it in, though, because he knew of he ever referred to Damian as cute in anyway the boy would probably castrate him in his sleep._

_Dick smiled._

_“Yeah, what's the issue, guys?”_

_This time it was Colin who spoke._

_“We wanna tell your family that we're dating,” he said. “But uh… we don't know how.”_

_“There are just too many unknown variables. Too much that could go wrong.” Damian interjected. He sounded very analytical and detached about the situation, but Dick knew he was really just afraid of his family rejecting him- and his new boyfriend._

_“Yeah, so we decided to ask you for help.” Colin said._

_“It was his idea.”_

_Dick chuckled. What, was he gonna have to start organizing their dates for them, too? God, he better not. Just because he had a long history of failed relationships didn't actually make him and expert, you know._

_“Alright, well, how about this…”_

~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, Dick? Out with it. I'm a busy man, you know.” Back in the present, Tim speaks, urging Dick to just tell them already. Dick smiles. 

“Okay, okay. Well, here it is: I'm engaged to killer croc. We're getting married in the spring.” 

Literally everyone in the room gave him A Look, then suddenly decided to jump in all at once.

“He's not serious, right? I can never tell when you guys are serious about crazy shit.” 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“I came all the way here for that?” 

“Congratulations.” 

“Dick, what the fuck? No, why the fuck?” 

“I can't tell if you're joking or not because this really sounds like something you would do, somehow.”

Dick laughed. “No, I’m joking, obviously. But just keep this in mind for when I tell you the actual thing, because it could always be worse.” 

“Oh, boy.” 

“Right. I'm not marrying Croc. I'm actually marrying Deathstroke; we're gonna elope and move to a deserted island together and own forty cats.”

Groans echo throughout the room. 

Dick laughs again. The plan is for him to give increasingly ridiculous and outlandish announcements until the fact that Damian is gay and has a boyfriend will just seem underwhelming by comparison. 

“Sorry, sorry. That's not the real thing either. The real this is that Kory accidentally got me pregnant. The baby's due in September.” Dick laughs again. Man, he is really enjoying himself. 

“Got _you_ pregnant?”

“Dick, it _is_ september.”

Dick grins. “No, I mean next September.” 

A collective sigh of aggravation from the group. 

“Dick, do you even have any important news for us, or are we just gonna do this for the next hour?” Harper says. Dick finally relents. 

“Are you sure you want to hear the actual thing now? Because I did have this other really good bit about getting drunk and accidentally making a deal with an evil witch about giving my first born child in exchange for-” 

Bruce finally speaks, cutting him off. 

“Dick. Be serious.” He says. Dick sighs. 

“Alright, if you insist. No jokes this time, I swear.” 

“Just tell us already!” Colin yells, grinning. Damian elbows him in the side, but no one notices. They were all focused on Dick. 

“The real announcement is…” he says. “Damian’s gay and dating Colin. He was just too afraid of you guys reacting badly to tell you himself.”

Suddenly everyone turns to look at Damian. Damian gulps, and Colin reaches out to squeeze his hand. He squeezes back, preparing for the worst. Then:

“Oh, is that all?” Alfred speaks first, giving the boy a small smile. Damian blushes, nods, then suddenly everyone is speaking all at once again.

“Damn, what a plot twist.” Says Harper.

“I’m happy for you, little brother.” Says Cass.

“Geez, I thought it was gonna be something bad.” Says Duke

“How did I not see this coming? Do I just have a _shit_ gaydar?” Says Tim.

“Don’t forget to use protection!” Says Steph, winking. 

“Hey, hellspawn, you better invite me to your fucking wedding.” Says Jason, pointing menacingly, even though he’s really just showing his support in his own special way.

“I’m proud of you, Damian.” Bruce says, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder. Damian looks up at him smiling. 

“Thank you, father.”

“See! I told you it would be fine!” Colin tugs on Damian's arm to get his attention. Damian rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes, fine, whatever. You were right, we had nothing to worry about.”

Colin smiles, but it falls quickly as Bruce looks at him with what is definitely the batglare, no matter that he's not in the suit. 

“Well, _you_ don't, Damian. Colin, here, on the other hand…” Bruce says. Colin grips his boyfriend's hand so hard he nearly cuts off his circulation in his terror. “You better take good care of my son, boy, or there’ll be hell to pay.” The redhead gulps, nodding. Damian sighs. 

“And not just from Bruce, you know. Damian's the baby of the family, and if you hurt him you'll have _literally all of us_ to worry about.” Tim says. Dick punches him is the shoulder. It nearly knocks him over, and Steph laughs. 

“Aw, Timmy! So you do care about him!” Tim just shoves him back. “Shut up, Dick.” 

“Yes, do shut up, Grayson.” 

“Hey!” Dick cries out in indignation. “If it wasn't for me, then you two probably wouldn't even be dating right now!” Damian is about to answer when Duke cuts in, scratching his head in confusion. 

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, I just need to clear one thing up.” He says, turning to Dick. “So, you're _not_ pregnant, right?” 

Dick bursts out laughing. 

“Of course not, you dingus!” Steph says. 

“Did you actually think he was pregnant!” Jason cracks up as well, slapping his knee and everything. Soon almost everyone in the room is laughing at poor Duke’s expense. 

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure, okay! _Weird shit_ happens around you guys.” 

They all just keep laughing. Dick looks on, smiling fondly at his family. His brothers, his brother’s boyfriend, his sisters, his father, and his kinda-grandfather-Iike figure, all together in one room, laughing. All is well, and Dick is happy.


End file.
